Life Has Changed Forever

40 Weeks of watching you grow in my belly was the sweetest journey. I'm truly grateful and count my blessings that it was such a healthy, easy, and happy experience. 

 Then, November 29, 2014 at 9:54PM the most amazing little boy was placed upon my chest and, in an instant, my whole entire world changed forever.

I don't know if there are even words. It's a moment I've dreamed of my entire life. 
From the days of rocking my baby dolls, to feeling you kick for the first time,
I've spent years and years waiting for you. 
I've wanted you and I've loved you. 

And I will love you until the day I go to Heaven. 
And then I'll love you even more, forever and ever.

Thank you for making me a mother. I'm not perfect and I know there are going to be times I mess up, but I want you to know that I will always try my best. My dream is that you have the happiest life imaginable and always feel an unconditional love.


You are the answer to so many prayers!  

.... and may this always, always be my motto:

39 Weeks... The Time Has Finally Come!

11/26, Wednesday

Induction is set for next week 12/3, unless anything happens beforehand! At my appointment today everything looked good and like it was still progressing (slowly but surely!) except my blood pressure was elevated. It wasn't high enough to be sent straight over to the hospital, but we were told we needed to keep a close eye on it and if it got to a certain point then we needed to go to the hospital. Until this point, my BP had been great so this was a surprise. We had to go to the store to buy a BP cuff, we went home and I rested, however, my BP went up a little bit more that afternoon. After a high reading we decided to go into the hospital and on the way called the doctor's office before it closed. Instead of going to the hospital, they had us go over to the office but then sent us home, again, telling me to take it easy and monitor it. Since I couldn't travel to Tulsa, my parents and brother's family came to Norman to spend Thanksgiving with us; we went out to dinner together and hung out at the hotel and tomorrow we will have our turkey dinner! 

11/27, Thursday, Thanksgiving
We enjoyed a great Thanksgiving dinner at our house before Tim and the gang went back to Tulsa. We kept monitoring my BP through the day and it stayed sort of high. We did just a tiny bit of "Black Friday" shopping/browsing with my parents that evening and when we got home the reading was the highest it had been and was over the "go to the hospital mark". I was feeling okay and had no signs/symptoms of eclampsia, but we wanted to be safe rather than sorry. So, my parents, Tony, and I gathered the bags and went up to the hospital!

11:30 PM: We got to the hospital that night and I was already super tired. They checked my BP and, go figure, it had gone down! {I still can't figure this out because both the electronic cuff AND my uncle who is a dr. spent the day with us and had checked it with his stethoscope and cuff!} However, my doctor had written in my chart that it was okay to induce at any time due to BP.

They gave us the decision to stay or go. After a lot of thought, we decided to stay. Even though I wanted my doctor but knew she was out of town for the weekend, I was ready. I was barely dilated to a 2 but SUPER swollen, uncomfortable, and we didn't want to keep worrying about my blood pressure. After blowing a vein in each arm trying to start a picc line, they transported me to my room, let me shower and eat a little bit before they "officially" hooked me up to the monitors and started the induction around 2:30 AM. I was pretty much 0% effaced and barely dilated to a 2.

11/28, Friday

I had tested positive for GBS so they started penicillin, which they would give every 4 hours. They started the "induction" by giving me a prostaglandin. It worked a little. So a few hours later they gave another, which also helped. When I checked into the hospital I was already having contractions on my own; they were mild in intensity, but they were close together. After the prostaglandins, they tried starting pitocin at the lowest dose, but it made the frequency of my contractions too close together. So basically that entire day, I just had constant/mild contractions and walked, rested, and even got on the birthing ball to try and progress my labor since I couldn't have pitocin.

11:30 PM: I was effaced to about 50%, dilated to a 3 and my contractions were starting to space out a little more. The on-call doctor (nice lady, but never in a million years would I choose her to be my doctor) came in and basically said, "We've been trying to induce but you are not progressing. You're BP has been looking better so you can either go home or stay."

Go home or stay.  Are you kidding? I've been here for 24hrs. I'm exhausted. I'm terrified that I did, or will, make a wrong decision in what I should do here. Do we continue with the induction or not? I just want the best for me and this baby--- and I don't want to have to make one more decision!  Thankfully, Tony's mom had flown in earlier in the day and was there to help us see all of this from a medical standpoint. So, after a small little melt down on my part, some alone time with Tony where we talked about it and prayed together, we decided to ask if I could get some food since it had been 24 hours since I had eaten and then start pitocin and if there was no progress after an hour, then we would go home and try and let things progress on their own while keeping a really close eye on my BP, then hopefully my doctor would be back and could run the show. We honestly just felt so torn: go home and potentially risk complications or stay and continue with the induction knowing it could end in a c-section if things didn't progress.

11/29, Saturday

12AM-ish: Room service brought me a burned chicken sandwich and I didn't even care because I was starving. After eating, before I was even hooked up to the pitocin, I lost my mucus plug. I know that sounds uneventful, but I was really second guessing our decision to push this induction. Not that a c-section would be the worst thing in the world, but I wanted to avoid it the best we could, and the thought of surgery was all of a sudden scaring me a little bit. We were really praying for God to just give us a sign in what we should do, or at the very least, just give us peace in whatever decision we made. So, losing the mucus plug before they even hooked up the pitocin made me feel so much better.

3AM: Pitocin had intensified my contractions. I was dilated to a 4 and they broke my water.

4AM: So, remember how they blew 2 veins trying to get a picc line started? This 3rd one came out, was burning and bleeding, so they had to do a 4th! My arms were swollen, bruised and SO sore!

5:30AM: Contractions were getting stronger. I was exhausted. I had walked and walked. I had sat on the birthing ball while Tony massaged my back... I finally decided it was time for the epidural. I had always been under the impression that I had a pretty high pain tolerance, but that sucker hurt a lot more than I thought it would; the strong shock down my right leg was the craziest thing I've ever felt! Not only did I ask to see the needle.... I also asked the anesthesiologist all about his schooling and qualifications! Haha!

As the day went on, I progressed pretty slowly. The epidural seemed to work fairly well. I could still feel contractions but they were definitely dulled by the epidural. A couple times, depending on which side I was laying, I would regain movement in my legs. I wasn't as numb as I was expecting, but at least it dulled the pain a little so I could get some rest.

A couple times during the day, the baby's heart rate dropped. Talk about scary! Thank God Tamie was right next to me the first time it happened. Machines started beeping and she, very calmly helped me roll to my side. The nurse quickly came in, put oxygen on me and picked up the phone to call for help. It all happened in just a matter of a couple short minutes and returned back to normal, but oh man, it felt longer lying there waiting to see what was going to happen while praying for everything to be okay.

6:30PM: I started feeling a lot of pressure. My epidural machine started beeping... And apparently, the nurse who was taking care of me was excited to go home because she sucked at this point. Pushing? Oh, it can wait. Pain medicine? Who needs it. Thank you, see you never again.

7:00PM: My epidural had worn off. I needed to push. The new nurse had just arrived, and we started pushing! A few minutes later the anesthesiologist walked in to reload my medicine and started having a conversation with me about the pain. That's funny... I'M PUSHING and I feel everything; do your job and get out! {At that point, I said a not-so-nice word about him... Actually, I'll admit, I dropped the big fat F word. Oops}

8:00.... 8:30....9:00.... still pushing.
I had the best nurse ever at my feet. Tony on my left. My mom and Tamie on my right.
Pushing 4 reps of counting to 10 on almost every contraction.
I tried to be nice. I even tried to stay positive, crack a few jokes and not make weird noises!
It was the very hardest and most exhausting thing I've ever done in my life.

48 hours of fluids & 10 rounds of antibiotics. Over 2.5 hours of pushing. A third degree laceration. A baby with an umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. And it was finally over!

At 9:54PM the most amazing little boy was placed upon my chest and, in an instant, my whole entire world changed forever. 

Lessons From Ferguson

While most days I think I couldn't be more ready to have this baby, I had a moment last night where I wondered how I'm supposed to bring an innocent little boy into this big, scary world.

On the t.v. I watched burning cars, burning buildings, clouds of smoke and tear gas, baseball bats through windows, stealing, language, emotions.... total chaos.

And, so, my son, I write you this letter after sitting down and watching all the Ferguson coverage. 

I wish I could hold you tight and cover your eyes forever from the bad things of this world. But I can't. All I can do is teach you, pray for you, and love you. And because I love you, I offer you these wishes for your life.

Love People.
There are lots of different colors, beliefs, lifestyles and people in this world. Be quick to love and slow to judge. You don't have to always agree with choices people make, nor do you have to associate yourself with them, but never think you're better than them. You are only different from them. You will see in your own family that we have different colors and different lifestyles; this will be a good foundation for you to learn that loving different types of people enriches who you are. It gives dimension and facets to your own character, it will help you grow, help you understand your own beliefs, and add depth and experience to your life. Love people. If you cannot love them, let them go. Never fester hate, resentment, or bitterness. It gets you nowhere. Always forgive; it will be more liberating for you than the people who do you wrong. 

Use your words.
It's important to know that it's okay to be angry. Life is not fair. Things will happen that make us angry, sad, frustrated or hurt. You are always entitled to your emotions. We cannot always control how things make us feel. However, we can, and should, always control how we react. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry-- a quick tempered man displays folly. You can never take back a word after it has been spoken or a promise after it has been broken. Acting out in anger can really hurt others and yourself. Talk through your feelings and express your emotions, they matter, and it's hard for them to go away if you ignore them. You can learn lessons and significantly grow, even from things that make you angry. When you choose your words wisely and act accordingly with your actions, you will be heard more loudly.

Respect yourself.
One of the most important things you will have in your life is your reputation. Be confident, be proud, and always strive to be better. If you don't respect yourself, neither will others. Obey the law, be a good friend, be honest, never stop learning, never stop dreaming, and work hard at all things. Always give your best-- to people, to tasks, to yourself. Never develop a sense of entitlement. Never take anything that isn't yours. I promise, anything you earn as a result of hard work feels so much better than any handout or gift somebody else could ever give you. When you fall: get up, dust yourself off, admit your faults and work hard to not repeat mistakes. Don't be too critical on yourself; please, always love and forgive yourself. 

Focus on the good. Be the light.
There is a lot of bad in this world. Every day the news has more sadness, corruption, and crime to share. Be aware of what is going on around your community, country and world. The bad things can intimidate you, discourage you, and weigh you down. Don't let it suck you in or pull you down. Always remember there is so much more good in this world than bad. Every day there are people achieving dreams, serving, helping, and loving others. Find them. Be one of them. Let the good things of this world inspire you, challenge you, and encourage you. Hope and light can always drive out darkness. Let your light shine. Seek ways to be the good and make this world a better place. You cannot change the world, but you can change the world for one, one person at a time. 


Hurry and come soon, I cannot wait to meet you! I already love you more than you will ever know. 

37 Weeks

100% chance of snow this week and 100% chance of a huge belly ready to pop.
Actually 38 weeks today but this picture is from last week.

     

We're in the Homestretch!

Happy Halloween from our little Jack-O-Baby!

Your little face has melted my heart. I am so ready to hold you in my arms. You, my precious son, have already made me a happier person. There are simply no words for all my love.    

How far along?   

Almost 37 weeks!

Baby's Size?

about 6lbs 10oz (according to ultrasound) 

Boy or Girl?

Confirmed, Boy

Fun Facts About Baby?

He has chubby little cheeks and a head full of hair.

Has a pretty adorable inventory of clothes waiting on him.

His movements can be seen from the outside of my belly (it's like watching a big lump move around); it still amazes me to see and feel him move!

If he decided to be born today... Mommy is ready and waiting! 

How is Mommy Doing?

• Symptoms?   Swelling. Dilated to a 1 last week. Uncomfortable! A few BH contractions so far.

• Mood?  Impatient.

• Cravings?  Now that Walgreens has Dippin'Dots I could eat them every.single.day and be happy.  

• Dreams? Not sleeping as deep anymore so not a lot of dreams, but, when I do, they are just so random. 

• Body Differences? What's not different?!? I'm huge and uncomfortable, but at the same time, I've never looked at my body in awe.  

How is Daddy Doing? He's surviving. This semester of medical school has definitely been the most demanding one, yet. (It never had a good reputation so we knew it would be tough!) However, all things considered, he is doing a great job handling everything. 

How's the Nursery? It's set up! I still have little tiny details that I'm working on, but nothing that wouldn't be ready for baby if he decided to come. Clothes are in the drawers but need to be washed... and I REALLY need to pack a hospital bag.   

We're Looking Forward To: All the signs that say "GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW" and Christmas break! And I always look forward to my doctors appointments (each Wednesday) to see if/how things have progressed!     

a little nursery project
my favorite pictures through the months