What an extremely long and exhausting week.
Hands down, THE hardest week of my life.
Aside from everything at the hospital, we spent the week choosing carpet that could be rush ordered and trying to speed along everything else at home so we can get moved back in ASAP.
The NICU staff was incredible.
We had tests run, lung x-rays taken, an echocardiogram on his heart, blood drawn (poor kid has awful veins like his momma), antibiotics given, and lots of love from some of the most caring nurses.
We were able to start at the top and rule things out, which is good because some of the options weren't good things at all, but we never had a clear-cut explanation for all of it even though we ended up seeing improvements, which is a really good thing. The best guess is Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn that took it's sweet little time improving.
Basically, he has been acting like a pretty normal/healthy newborn, minus the fact that he has very rapid and shallow breathing and hazy lung scans. Through it all he was eating like a champ and gaining weight! My milk came in with a vengeance and I was able to stock up the refrigerator and freezer in the NICU with about 30 oz to bring home with us!
Even though all the monitors and wires made it difficult to hold him, I was able to spend a lot of time bonding and snuggling with him, which is exactly what I needed. It's so hard when other people are also taking care of your child. I tried to be there as much as possible but I also needed to make sure I rested and took care of myself (you should see my swelling... it's awful!!), spend time with Elliott (he's been pretty out of his element and kids under 16 are not allowed in the NICU), make sure everyone stays healthy (they're dropping like flies around here... Tony has a bad cold and the stomach virus has now spread to other family members) and try and get things sorted out ASAP so we can move back into our house.
Emotionally I think I've been doing ok, but sometimes I just feel like I'm in a haze. I'm tired. I want to be with both my kids all the time and it's so hard. One night I was downstairs with Elliott and family eating in the cafeteria and at the elevators I had to tell him bye because they were taking him back to the hotel to put him to bed and he started screaming for me. I got on the elevator to go up and they got on the elevator to go down and I could still hear him yelling for "mommy". Then I got up to the NICU and Anderson had been screaming and was hungry. I just felt so torn between the two boys that wanted me and needed me in different ways and wished I could be there for both.... definitely had a little break down and was a sobbing mess in front of that nurse. There are times I do okay and then times when the stress of everything is so tough. I do go back to the hotel at night and get good snuggles with Elliott so that's nice, but I also feel bad I'm not there around the clock for Anderson. It broke my heart one morning (but also made me so glad too) when a nurse told me that in the really early morning hours he was quite upset and just wanted to be held and had a "baby cuddler" come in and hold him for quite a while and rock him to sleep. She said the man is a sweet elderly gentleman who has volunteered for a while and come us every week... and even though his shift technically starts at 7, sometimes if he wakes up really early in the morning and can't go back to sleep he comes in early and on this particular morning was in before 5am. Makes me so grateful that he could be there to snuggle Anderson when I couldn't.... I just wish I had the opportunity to tell him thanks!
There were some big highlights from the week though. We had lots of family in town. Tony's mom and stepdad were here from Nashville and all their help was invaluable, especially with my mom being sick, also it was nice having them there when the doctors would come in and talk to us. Tony's sister surprised us and visited from North Carolina. Anderson's Opa baptized him there in the hospital. The hospital was great and let me stay in my room even after I was discharged; we didn't stay the entire week but it was our choice to go back to the hotel since we didn't know how long Anderson would be there and hospital beds/rooms just aren't the most comfortable places to stay longterm.
We had so many people praying for us and sending us their love, it really made such a huge difference. Although I'm still a little intimidated and scared to have him all on our own now without any monitors reassuring us that everything is okay, I'm so excited to be out of the hospital and one step closer to being home and settled into our new life as the "Fabulous 4" instead of the "3 Musketeers".
Here are some pictures from the week!
Some pictures might seem a little blurry. NICU rules are actually kind of strict; I know it's a good thing for the most part, it can just get a tad bit annoying when you're there so much. Some rules being- Always wash hands. No food. No jewelry. No talking on cell phones and cell phones are supposed to always stay in clear plastic bags... which makes it kind of hard to take pictures of your adorable little baby!
This is his little NICU name sign that hung under all of his monitors.
1/30: Nana and Granddad flew in this evening and Granddad got to meet you.
1/31: Grandmom finally got to come up and see you again! O2 came off for a bit which made us sooo excited but they ended up needing to put it back on (really disappointing).
2/1
2/2
2/3: Aunt Rachel surprised us with a visit. Our house is finally getting all the paint finished!
2/4: Oma and Opa came for a visit and got to meet you, and Opa baptized you.
2/5: Aunt Rachel had to go home. We did all the discharge paperwork and tonight we are finally breaking free!!!
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